In March, Chrissy Teigen announced that, years in the past, she obtained breast implants.

In Might, Chrissy Teigen explained that she deliberate to have her breast implants eliminated.

In June, Chrissy Teigen shared that she ate a cake formed like her eliminated breast implants.

After which, simply when it appeared as if the world was going to expire of Chrissy Teigen content material and have to begin throughout from the start, I noticed that Chrissy Teigen purchased a lizard and named it Sebastian.

Sebastian is a bearded dragon, a Pogona Vitticeps, a member of the reptile species, and an animal I’ve to exert myself to consider as completely different from a nephew or a cousin. Chrissy Teigen gifted him to her son, Miles, for his second birthday. However in a method, she additionally gifted Sebastian to me.

I respect that Chrissy Teigen is a dynamic and highly effective lady who managed to pivot from being a supermodel to, basically, a comedian-influencer, whereas sustaining a cooking empire in addition to a philanthropy and activism apply. Shortly after she acquired a pet lizard, Chrissy Teigen gave $200,000 to bail out protesters who have been arrested demanding accountability for police brutality.

She is greater than only a celeb lizard proprietor. And but.

I do know that Chrissy Teigen’s reptile possession is only one aspect of the massive and delightful gem that’s Chrissy Teigen’s existence, however it’s the aspect I’ve clung to, like a lizard clings to a horizontal wall, throughout these attempting occasions. Too single to have a child, too disorganized to undertake a cat or canine, and too aesthetically idiotic to change into a plant influencer, I apply constantly caring for one more residing being by monitoring Sebastian’s progress via his digital appearances.

Chrissy teased the arrival of Sebastian like a masterful playwright constructing towards a stunning Act I climax. “Has anybody had a bearded dragon earlier than? Inform me your expertise please, I heard they’re so type,” she tweeted on Might 12.

A lizard? Described as “so type”? I’m listening!

Hundreds of individuals stepped as much as inform her that bearded dragons are loving pets, and good at carrying tiny hats and minuscule shark costumes. Simply 24 hours later, she shared a tweet about Nichole Richie bringing HER bearded dragon on tv. Nicole Richie—to me, that is somebody who comprises multitudes, who has at all times been accused of not containing multitudes. Nonetheless, I didn’t anticipate Nicole Richie to disclose herself as a lizard parenting skilled.

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“Bearded dragons are actually chill, truly. They’re actually nice with children,” Nicole Richie said throughout her TV look that day. “They identical to to be held. They like to take a seat within the warmth. They prefer it, like, 110 levels. They usually simply, like, lay within the warmth and chill. And I’m like, ‘Oh, that’s what I love to do.’”

That very same day, Chrissy introduced, “sure I’m now a proud bearded dragon proprietor! he’s little or no proper now—I obtained him for Miles’ birthday however I do know we are going to share a lifetime of happiness and cuddles (properly his lifetime) (perhaps mine at this stress price).”

Wow! Not solely will we meet the household’s new pet reptile on this tweet, we additionally encounter the darkly humorous actuality of mortality, each human and lizard. Life is a cabaret, Teigen appears to recommend, that may finish in your dying. Within the interim, it could make sense to purchase a lizard.

I used to be hooked.

Lastly, we met the bearded dragon, petite and blue-green like an eyelash extension mannequin’s eyes. Anonymous. New. Excellent. However nearly as if the unnamed bearded dragon was a child I had birthed into this attractive and startling void we name life, I started to fret for its security. How would that tiny, tiny lizard survive on the large Teigen-Legend property? By way of no fault of its caretakers, wouldn’t Sebastian scamper away, climb via an air duct, and by no means be seen once more?

I commenced on some lizard analysis. “They’re often even-tempered and appear to tolerate human interplay,” the PetCo website knowledgeable me. I like to think about that Sebastian is the only real being who could be described as merely “tolerating” Chrissy Teigen, John Legend, and their lovely genius kids.

“The bearded dragon is among the most rewarding lizards you may hold as a pet,” a pleasant man who goes by ‘Tiki’ stated in a 10-minute YouTube video about lizards that I watched thrice. “These guys are very, very docile. They’re not referred to as the lap lizard for no motive.” Bearded dragons are “one of many all-time greatest lizard pets,” Reptiles Magazine concurred. I discovered that bearded dragons like to “bask” and that it is best to give child bearded dragons a soak a minimum of as soon as every week. Will Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony-winning John Legend be giving his son’s child lizard a weekly soak? I wish to assume so.

The toddler-aged reptile, whom I’ve personally by no means met, has shortly change into a focus of my day. Early every morning, I scour the web for Sebastian content material, scrolling via Instagram and Twitter, Teigen’s twin empires. I test tabloids for paparazzi pictures of Sebastian, sunning himself on the property he shares with the household. I watch compilation movies of Sebastian’s journey. I watch an IG story of Chrissy and her two 12 months previous son Miles enjoying Hungry Hippos, and I take into consideration how I’m a hippo, hungry for extra media that includes Sebastian.

Grown to the scale of an exquisite sperm, the lizard appeared in a video on Chrissy’s Twitter, the place he was measured and weighed. (Sebastian is 1 / 4 of an oz. Miles is a relatively hefty 25 kilos, making him the load of roughly 1,600 lizards.) Early in Sebastian’s media profession, he appeared in absentia in a Teigen publish—an image of Miles sitting subsequent to an indication exhibiting off his weight, peak, and the immediate “I don’t like…” adopted by the phrases, “my pet bearded dragon.” Actual Housewives is canceled, changed by celeb kids doing speaking head segments, speaking trash about their pet lizards. However on June 18, Teigen posted an image of Sebastian repelling up Miles’ pajama-clad physique, with the caption, “He LOOOOOVES his beardy now.”

On June 20, each Teigen summer time storyline got here collectively in a single satisfying twist, when she Instagram story-d an image of Sebastian resting on her “therapeutic boobies.” I, too, am therapeutic by means of Sebastian.

There’s a particular pleasure in watching this inhumanly lovely, wealthy household work together with a minuscule reptile. Teigen’s voice feels like a seltzer can slowly cracking open. And her household’s house has the sort of luxurious I’ve solely skilled personally whereas loitering in a Restoration {Hardware}. However figuring out that each one this mild luxurious is now being intermingled with a small scaly animal and its (in accordance with pet web sites) 1000’s of cricket and cockroach snacks? That is what places this content material over the sting for me.

I fear about Sebastian. Look what has change into of different celeb animals—Ben Affleck and Ana De Armas walk their dogs so constantly that it appears extra like a sort of efficiency artwork than pet train. And what concerning the animal previously referred to as Piggie Smalls? When Pete Davidson gifted Ariana Grande a baby pig, it made headlines around the globe. However after their breakup was out of the information, we by no means noticed that pig once more. Is Piggie Smalls bacon now?

I belief the Teigen-Legends to care for his or her household lizard, despite the fact that they’re at the moment on trip on some sort of multi-story yacht, with no lizard in sight.

“It takes a severe dedication to be a accountable proprietor of a bearded dragon,” according to the Maritime Aquarium at Norwalk. “Beardies can reside for six to 10 years—and a few have lived twice that lengthy!” Watch this house—we’ll be again right here in 2040 discussing the life and legacy of Sebastian, bearded lizard and buddy of Glamour.

Jenny Singer is a workers author for Glamour. You’ll be able to comply with her on Twitter.                  

The publish Please Join Me in My Obsession With Chrissy Teigen’s Baby Bearded Dragon appeared first on Glamour.


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